The Gruber Club is a place especially designed for YOU.
We want to welcome you & reinvent your lifestyle. We want you to be different and we want you to dare.
In our world no one thing is better than another.
Having suffered from lack of confidence while growing up, I truly want to inspire self-confidence in people, through the medium of online inspirational and purchasing tool. I have developed a brand – The Gruber Club – which corresponds to my own personal tastes and aspirations, hoping that others will see value in it as well.
I want The Gruber Club to be a life-enhancing, sensual, inspirational, unique and confidence-building online community and shopping experience, offering products that are eclectic but tell a holistic story. I want my followers to feel confident, brave and inspired. I want to build a community of self-minded people to raise social awareness to build emotional intelligence and help others in turn.
Have you ever looked at a person and wondered what is their story? Are you curious to know what made that person who they are today?
For most of my life, I was raised in a sterile environment. My parents divorced when I was young. My father went to prison & my mother left the country leaving me with my grandmother. I always knew that my family wasn’t one of the richest. I never felt that I was missing anything but often found myself having less than my school friends.
When I describe myself, I often say that I grew on the street where I used to spend all my time with friends. This is where I felt… free.
One day my mother decided that I need to move with her to France. It was a heartbreaking moment. I had to leave all my landmarks and move to a country where I had nothing, didn’t even knew the language!
It was a challenge. I remember calling my grandmother and crying on the phone trying to convince her to take me back.
I think this is where something inside me broke for the first time. That was the first time I felt an emptiness inside me. Every day was a battle to learn a new language, adapt to a new environment, and get new friends. But I made it, at least the first two points. It made me a stronger person, I got to understand the importance of learning. After, I was an excellent student.
Meanwhile, I started going through puberty. The hormones kicked me hard. I always knew I was gay, but growing with a conservative family, I never thought about it too much. Undercover, I started dating men.
Long story short; When my parents discovered my dirty secret, I was banned from everything. Going out, television, phone, computer, magazines and much more. Everything that would give me contact with the outside world, got cut away from me.
That was the second time when something inside me broke. I wasn’t able to see clearly anymore, my identity was taken. Isolated from all the modern times’ stimulants, I got to find new ways. Pills, cigarettes & alcohol; No one at school knew what I was going through. At least this taught me how to put on a happy face and hide what’s inside.
I became suicidal. It started small by cutting myself and slowly got to the point where I would try to overdose myself. One day I just took a bunch of pills and lay down on my bed, listening to the music and waiting for the end…
And then something happened; “I’m gonna marry the night, I won’t give up on my life. I’m a warrior queen, live passionately tonight.”
Lady Gaga’s song “Marry The Night” came on the playlist, sometimes I believe that it was a sign from God. I made myself puke to save myself.
I told myself that the past didn’t matter anymore. I knew that if I wanted to, I could recreate my better self. Embrace a new person. Start a new life. That’s what the song and music video is about.
That moment, I decided to call myself Paul. It felt so reassuring. It felt so powerful. It gave me the strength to fight for myself. I did all the possible to move out of my home as soon as I turn 18.
At 16, I started my working life as a hairdresser. At the age of 17, I was going every single weekend to a nearby big city to look for job opportunities. I used to leave on Fridays to parties, find a man that could let me sleep at their place for the weekend. Look for jobs on Saturdays and go back home on Sundays.
I was so happy when I got a call back for a job, and one of my weekend boys allowed me to stay at his place until I find something. That was the biggest mistake, what follows is a traumatic experience that I will never forget.
It started all cute, I liked my new work and the relationship started to blooming with that man. We decided to be together. Slowly things started to deteriorate; one day on my way back from work I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. At that time I was naive enough to close my eyes and move forward.
After some time, he asked me to leave my job so that we could stay jobless, together at home 24/7. I left my work and this is where he had full control of my life. I was often beaten for minor reasons, held against my will in his place. I got through rough times, where I was emotionally abused to do things I wouldn’t normally do. Because we were both jobless, he pushed me to become an escort so he could get some money out of it. I didn’t like being ‘forced’ to do it, but that experience also thought me some valuable lessons.
During one of my friend’s party I got introduced to drugs, I never wanted to do it in my life. Because of the pressure I let myself try, which would lead me to hit the bottom soon. After almost a year of no sleep for 3/4 days in the row per week, I started worrying about myself but I was helpless. I participated in parties, where everyone would have sex and drug themselves to the point of passing out. At the backseat, consciously, I was disgusted by what was happening around me. I had enough, but could not find a way to make it stop… I was weak. And the worst in all this, is that no matter what I endured with my boyfriend I still thought that “I loved him”.
One day I met someone, someone that would change my life in the most positive way I could ever imagine. Just a friend that I made at the bar, but unlikely my other friends I could feel that he truly cared about me. He always got me motivated me then and he keeps motivating me today. We quickly had an undercover romance going on.
While my boyfriend got away for the weekend, I took all my courage and escaped his place. I never again took drugs since then. I could not take it anymore, I knew it already made some damage to my body which is irreversible. I got hypnotized to stop smoking, after all that happened to me I didn’t want my body to take any further damage.
I won’t hide it, my psychological recovery took a long time and is an ongoing process. I used to go to a psychiatrist and talk about how my life is unfair. I was speculated to suffer from Borderline Disorder, Stockholm Disorder, or PTSD. But one day I realized that I don’t have to be a victim anymore, that I can do what it takes to make my life better. I stopped the medication given to me which was making me even more miserable. I decided to reborn once again and it worked…
Since that day, my life is only getting better and better. Is it easier? Hell no. Problems come every day, from every direction. But now I am not hiding anymore, I am confronting all the problems even if some breaks me over and over again, I stand.
I got married and wouldn’t be luckier to find someone better. I am surrounded by true, caring friends that make me feel safe. I get a lot of healthy challenges that stimulate me in a positive way and I can’t wait to see what else life, have for me.
I know there are people out there that won’t get through their problems like I did. Some of them will succeed to end their lives. Some of them will always be scared to leave their abusive partners. Some of them will lose themselves in drugs. This is why I stand here today, and I intend to spread the words of hope for a better future.